Currently we live in the middle of fscking nowhere aka Doreen, Victoria. This is not surprising to us, we bought the house. But we bought it when our life was quite a bit different, then it took far too long to build, and we came to resent it … it is not home, it is just a house.

We need to leave. For the following reasons (and more):\

• Social: we actually have friends now, and are getting out to see bands, exhibitions, and more
• Time: I spend 3+ h0urs a day travelling to/from work. The boy spends over an hour travelling each day, and doesn’t live near enough to school friends to make visits feasible
• Financial: bad financial decisions, Tessa not being able to work productively (travel and expenses make it almost a zero-return effort)
• Resentment: We can’t forget the ill-will generated during the build

So we have this plan. It goes something like this:

1. clean up the house and yard so that we can pitch it as a ‘clean slate’ – we’re in the middle of a huge development area, so if we can provide a house 80% done, someone can “make their mark” and their home without the hassle of building
2. rent in Brunswick, Carlton, Northcote, or somewhere similar – maximum 30 mins door-to-door for me to/from work on public transport, 10 mins or so each way for the boy
3. live happily ever after

But there is a problem. I’m lacking a tactic, a short-term technique. This will take some capital, some dosh, moola, folding stuff. I dont have it. I can’t seem to hold on to it long enough.

I am heading into despair, watching every payday come and go, yet making no headway. I have debt, stupid dept, large debt. In addition to the mortgage. Servicing that debt is preventing the saving, and preventing (thankfully I think) new debt aka temporary capital.

This wont be a problem once the house is sold, as we’ve had a substantial capital value increase in the house and land since we bought it nearly 4 years ago. We’ll clear the mortgage and all our debt and still have a substantial investment amount, we’ll be able to pay rent up front, bonds, etc easily.

But we cant do that today. We’re stuck in the mud. Slowly sinking. Going mad.

Come on, are we really surprised?!

Reflecting on those events now, I can barely remember what it felt like … It happens so rarely these days.

I can’t even identify why, or how, I reached these states but I want more. Five to ten seconds 3 times in one day, and nothing since.